Meet Mikki: Author, Podcaster, and Certified Life & Co-Parenting Coach. Through her own experiences, she discovered new ways to approach life, enabling her to heal and become the best version of herself. She now works with women, supporting them on their personal journeys. Mikki focuses on helping her clients understand and shift their current thoughts, behaviors, and emotions to align with the life they desire. Read on to learn more about Mikki, her business, and her incredible family.
How many children do you have and what are their names and ages?
Leland, he is 14years old and a freshman at Brother Rice
Where do your kids go to school?
Brother Rice
Can you tell us about your journey into becoming a certified life coach and co-parenting coach? What inspired you?
My journey was the one that I needed to learn and one that, sadly, I traveled alone. When my marriage ended, I was devastated by the betrayal, the loss, the shock, the uncertainty, and having to “start over.” I didn’t have any family who had experienced divorce no friends going through it, so I didn’t have a frame of reference. But I knew in my bones I wasn’t going to fight and that I would put my son first so that we could figure out how to be a family even though we would be in 2 homes. Sadly, though, I was too filled with shame and anger to reach out, and I spent years trying to figure it out myself and years adding more suffering to me and my family.
Through therapy and, ultimately, my experience with coaching, I started to heal and learn a different way to approach life, which translated to my parenting and co-parenting. It allowed me to see how much children are impacted, even in the best of situations, and I wanted to do better for my son. A fire was lit in me not to let children be the collateral damage from their adult relationship issues. I never want a mom or dad who is experiencing the grief and uncertainty of relationship challenges to have to walk the path alone. There is so much support and help available when we seek it. My mission to become a life coach was to be that support, and I believe wholeheartedly that if we want better for our kids, we must become the change we want to see for them.
As a mom, how has your personal experience shaped your approach to life coaching and co-parenting guidance?
By learning how to take radical response-ability (the ability to respond to life instead of reacting), I empowered myself to show up and choose the life and family I wanted to have. It is not a perfect or problem-free life, but it is one where I feel ownership and power to change. My journey of meditation, nervous system healing, and deep inner work has been the most transformative experience of my life. My divorce and mistakes have become my most significant learning.
How do you help parents transition from a traditional parenting structure to co-parenting?
I believe we are all co-parenting in some capacity when we are in a relationship with others in support of raising kids whether is married, separated, divorced, single parenting with family support, etc.… co-parenting and parenting are learning to become clear on what is your responsibility and what is someone else’s. So much of the time, issues arise when we are trying to control, manipulate, change, resist, or avoid another person. By learning how to take response-ability for our 50% of any relationship and allow the other person to own their 50%, we naturally experience less stress and conflict.
My job is to help parents get crystal clear on what that means for them and create a strategic plan to support themselves and their families, no matter what the other person chooses.
When families separate, it is a time of tremendous change, and the traditional paradigm of divorce tries to create rules and agreements to navigate that change. The issue with this is that one or both parties may not adhere to those rules and agreements, leaving the other person to continue to “fight” to uphold these rules, oftentimes when they are not working. Instead, I support parents in deciding what works for them, finding ways to be flexible, and adjusting to life and changes. Your kids are growing and changing, and parenting your parenting is no different. Our job as parents is to do our own work to be the parent our kids need, moment to moment.
How does your role as a life coach differ from other support roles (like therapy), especially in the context of co-parenting?
Therapy and coaching have many similarities for sure, but they are very different, serving different purposes and both are necessary. Therapists are mental health professionals who can diagnose, support, and heal from past experiences and trauma.
Life coaching focuses largely on clients’ current thoughts, behaviors, and emotions and how to change them to bring them into alignment with the life they desire. With coaching, we set a goal or purpose and then work together to create the plan, navigate the obstacles, and have the support and accountability to experience change and transformation. As a coach, I am part of the village for my clients to support them along the journey, and it is very much a team effort.
What life lessons have you learned from co-parenting that you now share with your clients?
That we have a choice. Always. My ex and I have a good relationship largely because I decided to. When he brought a new women into his and my son’s life I decided that I was going to find ways to love her. It was not easy and did not happen overnight and is often hard but by making the choice I committed to showing up in support of that which guides my behavior.
This is how I have learned to approach so much of my life, whether parenting, in a relationship, or as a coach, that I get to choose how I show up. Not the other person or their thoughts, behaviors, or feelings. I get to choose, and when I am focused on that, I am a much more empowered, confident, and calm version of myself. I am not special. If I can choose, anyone can, and that is what I help my clients learn to do is choose themselves first and then every square inch of their life in the most beautiful ways.
Tells us a fun fact about you.
I hate being hot and sweating and I LOVE bikram (hot) yoga.
What are you most looking forward to this fall with your family.
Cider mill visits and cozy nights by the fire outside
Website: https://www.mikkigardner.com/
IG: @mikkigardner
email: [email protected]
